Why PRIDE is for the Past

Since June is "officially" Pride month and I could not open any form of social media without encountering a rainbowed something, here is My Common Sense on why "pride" should remain a verb (to be especially proud of) rather than a noun (a public event, typically involving a parade, held to celebrate gay and other LGBT identities, culture, and experience) and being prideful is more important that participating in the event known as Pride.‍

ABOUT ME

‍For anyone reading this blog post that does not know me, here is some background...

I am in my late 30's, am gay, have been married to my husband for 5+ years, will be adopting our kids this year, and have experienced discrimination in many forms throughout my life.  I am active in my local community of Northwest Georgia with my husband and family where we are open and public about our lives.

The Community Mural in Downtown Woodstock (GA) shows the past, present, and future of the city. The artist used our likeness for the future section of the mural.

I came out in the 2000's and marched in the Atlanta Pride Parade several times after moving to Atlanta in 2009.  I believe that everyone has the freedom to choose how to live their lives, this includes choosing not to support the LGBTQrstuvwxyz community, etc.  As long as their actions do not in anyway restrict my freedom or the freedom of others to live their lives as they see fit, we can all live in harmony.  I feel the word "pride" is more effective as a verb, but has morphed into more of a noun.  Unfortunately, this has led more members of the LGBT to support Pride (the event) and forget about how to be independently proud of themselves.  If I recall, the only thing that I got out of Pride (the event) was a hangover....

‍HISTORY

‍The information below is mostly taken from Wikipedia

‍The 1950s and 1960s in the United States were an extremely repressive legal and social period for LGBT people. In this context American homophile organizations such as the Daughters of Bilitis and the Mattachine Society coordinated some of the earliest demonstrations of the modern LGBT rights movement.  These two organizations in particular carried out pickets called "Annual Reminders" to inform and remind Americans that LGBT people did not receive basic civil rights protections.

Early on the morning of Saturday, June 28, 1969, LGBT persons rioted following a police raid on the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar at 43 Christopher Street in Greenwich Village, Manhattan, New York City.  This riot and further protests and rioting over the following nights were the watershed moment in modern LGBT rights movement and the impetus for organizing LGBT pride marches on a much larger public scale.

On November 2, 1969, Craig Rodwell, his partner Fred Sargeant, Ellen Broidy, and Linda Rhodes proposed the first pride march to be held in New York City by way of a resolution at the Eastern Regional Conference of Homophile Organizations (ERCHO) meeting in Philadelphia.

Since then, Pride events have spread to most corners of the globe.  Earlier this year, Donald Trump became the first Republican president to acknowledge LGBT Pride Month... #justlearne

‍The progression of LGBT rights has become so successful, that there are now "radical" organizations like Gay Shame that are opposed to the "the assimilation of LGBT people into mainstream.  Am I missing something or was that not the original point of Pride, inclusion into the mainstream and receive equal civil rights protections?‍

In my opinion, the original point of Pride (the event) was to gather together and say "look at us, here we are, pay attention," and to demand that LGBT people be provided the same freedoms such as the Freedom to Marry, Freedom of Expression, Freedom of Association, and to be free from abuse.  Now that we have that in the United States, it's time for its LGBT citizens to move onto something more productive...

My Common Sense

‍When I came out, I needed to be around people that supported me because my parents did not... I found that support in other family members, friends (most of whom were straight), and a few gay ones that I'd met more recently.  I did not seek support from people that I did not know in the gay community.  I sought it from the people that were already part of my life.  Fortunately, I got it, but that's not the same story for everyone.  For those people, Pride (the event) may still have some symbolic greater good

Now when I meet new people in my community, some are surprised to learn that I am gay, married, and have kids.  They also show very little emotion (positive or negative) when learning about my orientation, it's a non-issue for most people.  In most cases, I tell them that I am not a "rainbow flag wearing member of the gay community," prefer to be less surface level and because of who I am and choose to be, I fit more into the mainstream.  Compared with some, I acknowledge that being able to blend into the local "normal society" may be a benefit that others do not enjoy and/or that others choose not to adopt.

As a former Pride goer, I can tell you that many of the attendee's top priority is something other than the progression of LGBT rights.  Their primary goal is to party!  There are very few events associated with the gay community that do not involve some sort of mass party.  Even though partying and gay culture are a very appropriately associated stereotype, I see a developing portion of the LGBT population that no longer associates themselves with the Pride movement.  Many included in this alternative population are married, may have kids, and may be suburbanites.  This attitude is much more eloquently described in the following article in the Atlantic:  "The Struggle for Gay Rights is Over" by James Kirchick.

Since moving to Woodstock, Georgia in 2012, I have encountered very little discrimination locally.  It could be because I tend to blend in more than other "family" members or it could be that most people in my area prefer to judge other locals based upon the content of their character vs whom they sleep with in the privacy of their own homes.  I know that we are still very much in the middle of Fox News country, but I see very little of that attitude being practiced towards me and my family.

Many in the LGBTQrstuvwxyz community need to exit their victim bubble and into the real world.  The reality I speak of is one that is created by them and not those that they associate with most frequently and mostly online.  It is also one that contains limits on the progression of LGBT rights, meaning not to progress past those that are enjoyed by all the citizens of the USA.  You do not need to be a victim your entire life.  We have the Freedom to Marry, what other laws need to be passed in order for the LGBT community in the US to be successful in the march for equality?

If I were to venture out into Downtown Woodstock on a Saturday Night, I would encounter multiple LGBT couples, some with kids, enjoying a beer, a bite to eat, and/or a show at Elm Street Cultural Arts Village.  If you hang out at Elm Street long enough, you may even hear a riveting all male rendition of a Cher tune while the staff breaks down the sound equipment (yes, that stereotype is accurate and yes, I have also participated).  If I were to venture out into Downtown Canton on a Saturday night, it may not be quite as lively, but I might bump into the next Mayor, who also happens to be married to a guy and a successful business owner.  The one thing that I have noticed about most of the LGBT people in my community is very few of us ever adorn "rainbow" garb.  This task can be left up to many of the large corporations that miraculously decided to add the rainbow to their marketing over the last few years.

I am not saying that my community is somehow an LGBT utopia, but it is an area where everyone still respects their fellow neighbor and appreciates the middle ground, everything in moderation attitude, of life.  People that are loud, both in voice or in presence, are normally looking for nothing more than attention and no one likes nor respects the "hey, look at me" attitude.

In general, a large portion of card carrying members of the LGBT community identify the L, G, B, or T as the primary factor in identifying who they are as individuals vs just a portion of it.  Many of them are more comfortable being surface level (think life with a permanent Instagram filter) in their relationships and in their lives vs looking inward to discover who else they are besides lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender.  I hope that one day, our society can take pride in all of the members of our community and embrace each other regardless of race, sex, orientation, age, or anything else, but in order for that to happen, deeper and less surface level conversations need to happen between individuals that disagree on a mass scale so we can better understand each other and common ground can be obtained for everyone.  I think this would happen much faster with fewer Pride events and more people choosing to take pride in whom they are and reflecting that in their local communities.

If you want to share your story or have a constructive conversation about this or anything else, message me, and let's grab coffee or a beer.

Have a good one,

Dan