Don't want to bake my cake? No problem, I'll take my $$ elsewhere

Prior to reading this post, you should know the back story. If you do not know the details, you can catch up... the cliff notes are as follows: A Colorado Cake Shop Owner refused to bake a wedding cake for a gay couple's upcoming wedding due to his claim that doing so would violate his closely held religious beliefs and also claimed protection under the First Amendment. The argument made it to the Supreme Court earlier this year; you can read more details about the case on the SCOTUS blog.

My husband and I got married in 2013.

I also need to preface this story with several facts: #1: I am gay, have been married to my husband for 5+ years, and have experienced discrimination in many forms throughout my life. #2: I believe that every private business should be allowed to serve whomever they choose.  #3: I disagree with all forms of discrimination and believe the following to be the most universal anti-discrimination policy for a business: Our business will not discriminate against anyone for any reason (mic drop)...  #4: I believe that everyone has the freedom to choose how to live their lives, this includes choosing not to support gay marriage. As long as their actions do not in anyway restrict my freedom or the freedom of other's to marry whomever they choose, we can all live in harmony and agree to disagree. #5: I believe that any business that discriminates towards potential paying clients is likely owned by a complete idiot.

‍BUSINESS PRACTICES

‍I own a business and have hundreds of friends that also own and operate businesses of their own. I do not know of any business owner that would knowingly or intentionally turn away a paying client/customer for reasons similar to the cake shop owner's; however, I do believe that the any privately owned business should have the right to turn away whomever they choose. I will elaborate more on that idea shortly..

First, I need to define a privately held business/company. A Privately Held Company is "...owned either by a non-governmental organization or by a relatively small number of shareholders or company members..." The overwhelming majority of businesses in the USA are considered Privately Held. Why is this important? I believe that the Freedom of Religion and the Freedom of Speech are universal for all people and businesses. If a business wants to turn away all gay couples as a policy, they should have the right to do so. As a potential customer and one half of a married, gay couple, I would like to be aware of those businesses in my community that do not support "the gays" so that I can AVOID patronizing them. Federal, State, and/or local laws that compel all Privately Held Businesses to serve everyone are completely useless in today's modern society, especially with the tribal power of social media.

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‍THE PUBLIC ACCOMMODATIONS LAW IN REALITY

‍To put ideas into reality, let's retell the story of the cake shop owner and the gay couple in several scenarios.

SCENARIO #1 - My take on the story...

A gay couple is getting married and walks into a cake shop in Lakewood, Colorado, to order a cake for their wedding. The owner tells them that he will not bake their cake because he does not support gay marriage. The gay couple gets offended, storms out of the cake shop, calls their attorney, and the legal process moves forward citing a violation of the the Colorado Public Accommodations Laws. The couple complains and gossips about it (to fit the  stereotype) before, during, and after their wedding. I would guess that their overall enjoyment of the wedding was negatively affected by their reaction to the cake shop owner and what happened after the owner refused to bake their cake. Was it really worth it?

‍SCENARIO #2 - What could have happened if the owner followed the law

A gay couple is getting married and walks into a cake shop in Lakewood, Colorado, to order a cake for their wedding. The owner publicly tells them that he would love to bake their cake and takes their order, while privately he has never and will never support "the gays." He also believes that he has to comply with Colorado's Public Accommodations Laws. As a result, he tacks on an extra $100 to the price of the cake cause they're gay and they have money. The gay couple gets married, has a great wedding cake, never knows the owners true feelings, and unknowingly patronizes a business that does not support them. The law may have provided them a cake in this scenario but also negated their ability to make a responsible decision.

‍SCENARIO #3 - What should have happened...

.A gay couple is getting married and walks into a cake shop in Lakewood, Colorado, to order a cake for their wedding. The owner tells them that he will not bake their cake because he does not support gay marriage. The gay couple walks out of the cake shop, rates the business negatively on Facebook, Google, Yelp and posts about their experience on Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat. They then get contacted by their local news station and newspaper (because there are plenty of gays working in print and tv media) to run a story and let the public know about the owner's discriminatory business practices. The gay couple finds another bakery in their area willing to bake their cake, they get married, and have an amazing wedding cake in spite of the initial cake shop owner. After hearing about the discriminatory business practices of their local cake shop, many of the cake shop's patrons choose to take their business elsewhere, the cake shop begins to have financial issues, cash flow suffers, and the cake shop eventually goes out of business.

Providing businesses the opportunity to put their views freely into practice allows the market (the public) to determine whose practices are socially acceptable and/or unacceptable with present social norms. It also allows the market the transparency to support those businesses that have views that align with their own and not to support those that do not.

‍OUR STORY

‍We got engaged in 2012, before gay marriage was legal in all 50 states. During our engagement, SCOTUS ruled on United States v. Windsor. Right after the ruling, we were contacted by our friend (a local newscaster) and appeared on a local TV news program. Our interview focused on our opinions on the ruling and what it meant for couples like us. Although it was a great day, it did not change much for us in our day-to-day lives. We were not trying to change the world, we just wanted the liberty to get wed like everyone else.

As we planned our weddings (yes... we had 2 of them), the 1st step was to get legally married. We chose Iowa due to its marriage application process and ability to have our marriage certificate mailed to us. We got legally married in Des Moines, Iowa, on February 16th, 2013. Once we had our Legal Marriage Certificate, this allowed our Methodist minister to perform a "Family Blessing Service" in the form of a wedding at a Methodist Church in Atlanta on July 6th, 2013, with over 200+ of our friends and family in attendance.

As we planned our "real" wedding and reception, we spoke to at least 20 wedding vendors. As we spoke to vendors on the phone, I recall at least 2 of them baltently stating that they were "not comfortable doing gay weddings at this time." We were upset about the discrimination, but were very happy that the businesses were honest with us. This allowed us to contact other vendors and give our hard earned $$$ to those that we knew supported us, our wedding, and those in attendance. If you attended our wedding and reception, you felt it too... it was pretty damn awesome. Several of the "older" folks in attendance were not exactly sure what they signed up for prior to coming and left in tears. Not due to sadness, but because their eyes were opened and their beliefs changed on gay marriage after attending our ceremony and reception.

‍IN CLOSING

‍Several years ago, I had a coffee with a black friend of mine, and we chatted briefly about his thoughts on racism and my thoughts on the view of same sex couples in our community. During our chat, he made a statement that will always resonate with me. He said he "wants to know who's flying it (the confederate flag)... so (he) can know who feels that way."

I was pleased that SCOTUS ruled in favor of the cake shop owner and hope it will be a step forward for future conversations concerning discrimination, business practices, and the responsibility of society to protect the Freedom of Speech; even in cases where the words and/or motivation disagrees with our personal beliefs. Since I assume there to be people with ©ommon $ense in Colorado, the land of recreational marijuana and craft breweries on every corner, the discimatory cake shop owner did not likely prevent the gay couple from obtaining a cake for their wedding. I would bet $20 that the cake they got was better than the cake the discriminatory baker would have made for them anyway...

Laws will never be the direct cause for the altering of any individual's feelings and/or beliefs; society does a much better job of changing the minds of people through conversation, interaction, and the united will to progress towards betterment.

‍10/30/2018 UPDATE: I listed to the Joe Rogan PODCAST on a regular basis. If you do not currently have this podcast in your lineup, you should...

‍Recently, Joe had Peter Schiff as a guest (listen in around 52:00 for this discussion). Peter Schiff is an American businessman, investment broker, author and financial commentator. Schiff is CEO and chief global strategist of Euro Pacific Capital Inc. He also hosts his own podcast called “The Peter Schiff Podcast." Peter's take on the Gay Wedding Cake story echo's mine, he also points out several other real life examples of why the Supreme Court's ruling was beneficial for our society.

If you want to have a constructive conversation about this topic or any others, message me, and let's grab coffee or a beer.

Have a good one,

Dan